The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.
C:
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++:
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all
in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since
you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at
others and saying, "That's me, over there."
Assembler:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first
invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes,
then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you
continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways because you have no
exception-handling capability.
COBOL:
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER
on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK
whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
Pascal:
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Modula-2:
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.
Ada:
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the
gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you
try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong
type.
Forth:
Foot in yourself shoot.
LISP:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
Prolog:
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program
figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it
to you.
APL:
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do
it in fewer characters.
SNOBOL:
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot
yourself in the right foot.
BASIC:
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue
until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic:
You'll really only
HyperTalk:
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the
result.
Motif:
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its
trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun.
When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
UNIX:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%
Concurrent Euclid:
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL:
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining
exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes
back deep-fried.
Paradox:
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Access:
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your
Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Revelation:
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as
soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are
for.
| Autor: | unbekannt |
| Quelle: | unbekannt |
| toHTML: | 1995-07-20 - Gunnar Anzinger <a@gksoft.com> |
letzte Änderung: 1997-06-11 -- Gunnar Anzinger <a@gksoft.com>